Thursday, October 30, 2014

creamy lentil soup

I made this delish soup last night for house church, and I must say it was just as good or even better today for lunch. While I was making it, I had to be creative and spontaneous with some of the ingredients. It got me thinking that this is how our life should is. We often don't have the right ingredients at the right time, but if we just ask God, he always has an ingredient which usually turns out way better than the my original plan. We need to plan and organize, but we also need to keep our ears and heart open to what the God plan is, and we need to quickly walk and do what He tells us.

Creamy Crock Lentil Soup    

1 c. dry lentils
3 or 4 medium carrots - chopped or sliced

4 stalks of celery - chopped (I use the whole thing..leaf part and all)
1 med or large onion - chopped
6 cups water
2 cans of evaporated milk
4-6 teaspoons of beef boullion granules

lots of seasonings - basically I use lots of crazy janes' mixed up salt, pepper, garlic salt, parsley and chives

throw it all in the crock pot and cook low 6-8 hours

I added cornstarch to thicken slightly - but you don't have to

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

the GPS

Did you ever notice that the GPS sometimes doesn't quite take the right road?
Or the road less traveled ? Or the road that has way to much traffic ?

I have been noticing that my husband has been talking to the GPS a lot lately. Similar to how men talk to the football coaches through the TV ?  The GPS or the TV cannot hear you.
As we are driving,  following the friendly voice, my husband talks back to it. "Why are you going that way? I can't believe you are doing that ? There is way to much traffic that way!"
I sit and listen. Smile to myself. Then, I just have to. I have to say something.
Babe, you don't have to follow the GPS. She doesn't have authority over you.
He just does his 'I'm not gonna let you see me smile, smile'.

I know there is a lesson in there somewhere.

Do we listen to outside voices to navigate our way ?
Do we give to much authority to those who shouldn't have it ?
Have we become a group of people that just sit and do what the friendly voice tells us to do ?

I was just reading an article by Charisma Magazine from the Barna group, how this generation (us and we) have the most bibles, but don't read them or even pick them up.

If we aren't reading from the Word, is it really easy to be led away by a friendly voice. The route seems correct, and it is so easy to just follow. But is that really the way ?

Bare with this analogy please, but if I asked you why you are going that way or why did you do that - would you answer be - the GPS said to.

My point is this - are we following the crowd (GPS) or following Jesus ?

Do we put too much into what the GPS (Greatest Preachers Syndrome) and what they tell us to do.

We have this great gift of the Word, we have this great gift given to us and yet we seem to follow the other voices.

We have this amazing internal light and life filled Holy Spirit guidance, but we don't seem to know how to follow its voice, because we are so consumed with the voice of the external system.

What voice or voices are you following ?

Friday, October 17, 2014

Long - {five minute friday}

what do you think about when you hear the word long.
I think of length
length of time, a long time.
I think of a journey, a long road
I think the winter seems long.
I think of days. sometimes the days are very long, but the time seems very short.
my girls are only 23 and 19, but then holy moly they are 23 and 19 -
where did the time go and that really hasn't been very long at all

lately when I think of long, I think of my mom.
it's been a very long time.
since I have seen her face, heard her giggle,
held her hand, sat on the porch in the sunlight.
it's been long since I had coffee with her.
it was a long, very long illness
but a very short time we walked through it.
I am so thankful that God's love is long
I would have not been able to walk this road, this very long
road of grief mixed with peace without him.
There are some days that I think every moment is long.
or when talking with someone, that this conversation is long -
but it seems in the larger scale of life and love
that the time is really short.
so my prayer for you is to not live like you have "long"
live like you have "short"

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

the devil comes... an angel of light.

the devil comes as an angel of light.

And it is no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light;  (2 Corinthians 11:14)

this morning I was pondering 'who in the world would we know the devil as an angel of light?'

we don't want to have mass hysteria and seeing devils behind every door, but is there a way to know what is the devil's light and what is True Light.

so I had these thoughts: ( and take these as me being a mom, friend, mentor)

do you notice that all your situations seem to end up the same ?
do you notice that the guy you are now dating is turning out to be just like the wrong guy you were dating?
do you notice that your relationships seem to be to all the same type of person ?
do you notice that you keep picking the wrong thing?

is it possible that: There is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death. (proverbs 16:25)

is it possible that when it seems right to me, and looks good - that it really could be the enemy trying to keep me from the real right way ?

is it possible that the angel of light that is before me is the path that really produces darkness?

how can I know? God is never going to take you from a bad situation and put you in another bad situation.

A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. (proverbs 16:9)
so is it possible that if my steps aren't sure - I am walking my own plan and not His?
could it be that I am walking in the masquerade of light ?

this is really to be a encouragement - not a scare tactic. however, I think we are so easily swayed away from truth that we can really live outside of our relationship with Jesus, and then we are dazed and confused when the relationship we are not in, is just like the last one. why? we are walking in our own plans.

so maybe the devil as an angel of light - is really because of my lack of relationship with God ?

if I am not totally reliant on the Spirit of the Living God for all my needs, decisions and relationship then I will probably be making a lot of decisions claiming they are from God, but they are really from me. then trying to get God to respond to me and what I think should happen. hmmm.

still pondering.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Five Minute Friday {new}

the thing about new is,  it's new.
when I hear the word new, I think of God. He is making all things new. He is new every morning. He has new wine that must go in new wine skins.
the thing about new is, it's only new for that moment.
think about it.
when you open a bottle of new wine, it now becomes old because you cannot re-cork it.
which means, you have to use the new before it becomes stale and old.
kinda like how we need to live our lives in the newness of His presence every day.
we can't live off yesterday's new, because now that is the old.
Or think of the manna He gave new, every morning.  It was only good for that day.
so new, is only new for that moment.
maybe this is what dwelling and abiding look like.
eating and drinking of the new.
I want to live in the new.
new wine, new word, new revelation - every moment of every day enjoying the newness of His presence.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


I deal with rejection. Big time. I think if we are all honest, we can say that we all deal with rejection issues. We all have this need to be liked, wanted, friend requested, as a sign of acceptance and of worth. So when we are not liked, wanted or are defriended it sends us down this slippery slope into rejection.

You would think that after years of loving God, being loved by God, having faithful friends and family, that I would not deal with feeling rejection. But I do. And this morning I couldn't even sleep because of asking myself "why" over and over.

Why don't think like me? Why did they reject me? Am I really that awful of a person to be rejected ? Do you ever have those thoughts ?

So while I was laying in bed, lamenting over this I heard that still small voice, "you aren't rejected". That's great God, you don't reject me, but then why do I feel this rejection ? His answer; "because you keep picking it up".

Here is what I am seeing. Rejection in it root word is reject. or REject. In the Latin form,(taken from Websters 1828) it means the act of throwing back. The act of casting off or forsaking. A refusal to accept.

But if someone offers you Kool-Aid, you don't have to drink it. God is saying that you don't have to pick up the gift of rejection that someone is hurling at you. It only becomes my rejection if I choose to accept it. So in the mission impossible theme - do you choose to accept this mission ? Because it is an impossible mission. Rejection is a mission that is not ours to accept or carry, or give out.

If I pick up the rejection, then I have to carry it. And it is so so heavy.

My value is not based on the approval of others, but on what God's Word tells me is true. If I pick up rejection, then I have to lay down what is truth. And the truth is it doesn't really matter what others say or do to me, because God likes me. He loves me. He calls me His very own.

We all fear rejection. But perfect love cast out fear, because there is no rejection in Him. Robert McGee puts it this way: Rejection is a type of communication. It conveys a message that someone else is unsatisfied with us, or that we don't measure up to a standard. Sometimes rejection is a will-full act used to manipulate or control someone else. It comes as a social snub. It communicates disrespect, low value and lack of appreciation. Nothing hurts quite like the message of rejection. Without lifting a finger, we can send the message that our targeted individual doesn't meet our standards. This is how rejection enables us to control the action of another human being".

Going back to my earlier finding, I can only feel rejected if I pick it up. I can only feel rejected if I am trying to meet others standards, or others value. Why do we hold others esteem for us in such a high regard ? Maybe rejection isn't really about me, but more about the other person? I need to stop accepting the rejection thrown at me. When someone throws a ball at you, you can step out of the way before it hits you in the face.

Today, I choose to lay it down. Again. Lay down the feelings of being a reject, or being cast off. I lay down the power of rejections pull and I pick up the light and easy yoke of love and acceptance of my Father God. I. am. accepted. The I AM accepts me.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

i need prayer

I need prayer. Not I need people to pray for me, but I need prayer. I need to to pray.
I need to be a pray-er.
How much of our lives have we thought we were praying but we really have been giving God a list of things we think He should do ? And then we are surprised when these 'things' don't show up at our door.
What does it look like to be a pray-er?
I know that many are screaming for revival, but are we really praying ?
Perhaps if we spent more time actually praying we would see revival.
I know from study, revival only comes from prayer, and God only does things in response to prayer. So again that brings the question - if I am not seeing what I am praying for, then am I really praying ?
In June a bunch of us began reading the Psalms for the summer. We are reading 5 chapters of the Psalms each day and this has wrecked me. Did you realize that Jesus and the disciples were Jewish? And that their very life was a life of prayer. They prayed the Psalms. They prayed Isaiah. They prayed the Word. They prayed the very promises of God.
What would happen if we in 2014 were to go back to the original attributes of prayer, and prayed the Word.
In James it tells us "we don't have because we don't ask, and we don't have because we ask miserably". Now I know that seems odd, because we are asking - for many many things. So it confuses our minds when we think we are praying and then we don't get what we just picked out of the catalog. Even writing that it makes us seem so very selfish.
Back to the disciples. If they were Jewish and their very lives were based in praying the Word, what difference did they see in Jesus as He prayed that they begged "TEACH US TO PRAY".
I believe and submit to you, that Jesus prayer life, was based in praying the living Word back to His Father where the disciples were just repeating lines. Do you see the difference ? The living breathing Word of God, spoken back to God causes my heart and mind to change, creating a prayer life not of this world!
The Word is alive and active, dividing the soul and spirit, so when I pray the active and alive Word is does what it was created to do.
What we pray really matters.
And I need prayer.
I need prayer in my life to live.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Lost {5 minute Friday}

i feel lost.
even on a good day.
and i am sure if most will admit, we all feel a bit lost.
even being a strong, steadfast, spirit filled follower of Jesus, i still feel somewhat lost.
i think sometimes the tragedies of life can make us feel lost.
i think sometimes the mundane rituals we have reduced ourselves to can make us feel lost.
even though we are found - believers with an everlasting hope, there is still just a {maybe} tiny part of us that if we could be honest, feels lost.
not knowing where you are or how to get to where you want to go : unable to find your way - that is the definition of being lost.
and i feel that.
how do i get to where i want to be?
how did we even get here?
the word lost is the past participle of lose
did we lose our passion ?
maybe that is why we feel lost ?
we are stuck in a rut?
AW Tozer has a book called "Rut, Rot or Revival"
is that what being lost is?
in a rut, where your choice is to rot or be revived?
even on my lost days, i will choose revival.
even feeling lost i will still choose to see the hope of our calling.
sometimes it is good the experience the feeling of being lost, so you can move to being found.
and that is the promise, that no matter how lost i or you feel, there will always be a found

Thursday, June 26, 2014


he had 4 daughters who prophesied. this is what it tells us in Acts 21.  It was common for women/daughters to be in ministry. and to be telling prophecy.
what I also notice is that prophecy and evangelism went hand in hand. they prophesied in the streets to those who didn't know Jesus or the resurrection. and their churches grew daily. DAILY. not just after an event. but daily.
not after a training, they just prophesied because it was part of their DNA.
they already knew what they were to be doing.
It seems to me, we keep prophesying around the inside of our churches and asking how do we evangelize?
do you see the difference ?
they prophesied AS evangelism.
they didn't need 'another word' inside the church setting, because they already knew what and who they were.
we keep running everywhere to get words to find out what we should be doing ?
they already knew and accepted the mission of following Jesus and were doing it.
They knew that they were a chosen generation, a peculiar people, a royal priesthood set apart for Him, to show forth His glory .
we keep trying to hide all the glory in our four walls and they were bursting forth on the streets with it.
Think of the women at the well. Jesus prophesied to her, evangelized, then she went and evangelized her whole town and they all believed !
it is time to stop hiding under bushels (the walls of our buildings) and let our light shine
it is time to start living out the mission, that has never changed
Ana Mendez Ferrell says in her book "Seated In Heavenly Places" that the very essence of prophecy does not consist of telling each other about the beautiful things that God has for us, but its objective is to reveal the multiple facts of Jesus himself.
So if the spirit of prophecy IS the testimony of Jesus then wouldn't it make sense that prophecy was for telling of Jesus - just like these 4 daughters in Acts did.
maybe that's why Paul said "I wished that you all would prophecy" because it was prophecy was bringing the revelation of Jesus into the world and isn't that what evangelism should be ? bringing the revelation of Jesus into the world?
let's go my friends, let's begin to speak out the testimony of Jesus !

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

if brokeness were a person

I am reading this book by Don Nori called "The Power of Brokenness". Very intense little book about how brokenness is a mystery, who brings healing instead of accusations and builds and does not destroy. So this afternoon I have been pondering the question "what if brokenness was an actual person". would we recognize her or him? would we respond to her ? {I'm sticking with 'her'}

what if those times when we felt the holy spirit nudge us, it was the brokenness part of the holy spirit trying to coax us into a life of brokenness.

what if those moments when I think it is judgement, it is actually a covering of brokenness to bring about the character of 'blessed are the broken' ?

do we even know what brokenness looks like any more?

would we recognize the voice?

would we treat brokenness like we treat everyone one else, the opposite of love and forgiveness.

maybe we need to live a little more broken, a little more repentant, a little more loving instead so that we can hear the cry from brokenness calling us deeper into heart of the Father.

what if brokenness spoke gently tried to bring pain that brought healing

would we respond ?

do we respond ?

brokenness isn't weak, or angry or hopeless

brokenness is full of hope because of our position as sons and daughters, to live a life free and in total hunger for the one who created us. we are all His creation, but not all sons and daughters, that is for those who have chosen brokenness as a companion.

there is blessing in brokenness

there is live vibrant color there. I think the color of Heaven is the color of brokenness.

so brokenness waits for us, with all her wisdom and all her healing for us to respond

if brokenness were a person, would we be friends?

Friday, June 20, 2014

Release {5 minute friday}

Release - action
the word release just brings an action to mind. a cause and effect.
Re - lease
it means:  to set free from restraint, confinement, or servitude <release hostages> <release pent-up emotions> <release the brakes>; also :  to let go :  dismiss <released from her job>
  to relieve from something that confines, burdens, or oppresses <was released from her promise>
  to give up in favor of another :  relinquish <release a claim to property>
how about we release some forgiveness. think about it. when I hold someone in un-forgiveness,  I am holding them in restraint, or hostage. when I hold someone in un-forgiveness it confines me and burdens me or bring oppression to me.
it is time to release the captives that we have been holding. To relinquish control over someone by not forgiving them and release the claim on them.
The word tells us that what is bound on earth is bound in heaven. did you ever think that you could be holding forgiveness bound in heaven by not releasing it here on earth. You are basically binding forgiveness by not releasing it. ouch !
so let us be people of release - release the brakes and let go - let go of hurt, disappointment, things people said or did. it doesn't excuse their behavior or make what they did ok. not by any means. but you deserve to be free. you deserve to lie in release.
Doesn't the word spoken just begin to bring freedom to you.
like tons of weights being taken off your back, or hundreds of balloons of cares just floating away.
I release forgiveness over {insert name or names here}. I relinquish control over {insert the situation here}. I set myself free from the restraint of un-forgiveness.
I think this is the only word that the cause and effect are the same - freedom.
that's what I am praying for you today friend as you experience release. I would love to hear from you as you seek release today. leave me a note or comment.
just release.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

serving or a service ?

I have noticed something as we served a lunch at city gate lancaster.
we are missing a generation of laborers. not sure where they are.
 I know they love God and love worship and attend many amazing events. but I am curious where the laborers are.
as I looked around those serving the free lunch in the city, I noticed that I was one of the youngest workers. and I am not young by any means, mid 40's (or 40 is the new 30 so let's go with 28). but I am curious where is the next generation of servers.
could it be that we have replaced serving for sitting? sitting in services ?
while people on the street really just want a sandwich?
maybe to some serving looks like holding a worship concert. which isn't bad, its a good thing. I am a worship leader, so I am all about worship nights and loving on God, but it still doesn't get the homeless guy his meal. or relationship. or shoes.
I think we have had some really good moves of prayer, worship and services, but that still doesn't replace the actual act of serving someone.
so I am praying. to the Lord of the harvest. to send the workers. we need the next generation to rise up not only in worship and prayer, but in serving.
so maybe we need to redefine what serving is?
what a servant does?

here are what others say about serving:

Prayer in action is love, and love in action is service. Try to give unconditionally whatever a person needs in the moment. The point is to do something, however small, and show you care through your actions by giving your time … We are all God’s children so it is important to share His gifts. Do not worry about why problems exist in the world – just respond to people’s needs … We feel what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean, but that ocean would be less without that drop.“- Mother Teresa

The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: “If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?” But the good Samaritan reversed the question: “If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?” Martin Luther King Jr

Have you ever realized that you can give things to God that are of value to Him? Or are you just sitting around daydreaming about the greatness of His redemption, while neglecting all the things you could be doing for Him? I’m not referring to works which could be regarded as divine and miraculous, but ordinary, simple human things – things which would be evidence to God that you are totally surrendered to Him. – Oswald Chambers

In Matthew 25 it tells us:

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

This always makes  me cry.
why? because I see the least of these every day in the city. at every meal we hand out. with every pair of sneakers we give. and you know what happens after we give to the least of these. they want to meet Jesus.

maybe evangelism needs to look more like serving ?
maybe I am a Moses looking for the Joshuas ?

I just want to be found serving, not sitting

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Free Lunch

today at City Gate Lancaster, we give out a free lunch to over 200 people. these are the hungry, the hurting and the hopeless. not all are homeless, most just hurting and hungry. looking for a friend, relationship, somewhere to be accepted.
Isn't that what we all want?
it makes me think of how hungry am I ?
am I really hungry for the presence of God? do I 'eat' his word like I am commanded to ?
I think sometimes, we as believers come across arrogant, like we have it all together, and 'they' don't. so we need to save and fix 'them".
when really, even on a good day, I am just as hungry as they are
I am just as needy and hurting as they are.
we just act like we aren't, or we don't realize the amount of time we spend outside of God's presence.
we have become to good at, and use to living in a man made environment, where we do many things to make us feel good, and think that is his presence.
I am so hungry for a true manifestation of His glory and His presence as never before.
I am one of the hungry

Monday, June 16, 2014

pains and stings

there are so many times in our lives when a word wrongly spoken stings. even after apologizes have been offered or people have moved on. the sting remains. or the pain. pains and stings. it is hard to not let them take over or control us.
it tells us in proverbs that a scoundrel's lips are like scorching fire. maybe that is why the pain of words sting.
it's funny that way.
it really doesn't matter the amount of time you have given, the amount of life you have shared, or what the friendship or relationship was like prior. it not just stings.
the lesson in this is to watch what you say. we want our words to 'rightly spoken so they are like apples of gold'. full of the love and compassion even in the midst of the pain.
proverbs is a challenge for all of us and I am sure we can see ourselves on both side of the sting or the stinger.
my heart is that we would begin to take the word and apply it to our hearts, to our wounds and to our mouths.
what would it be like if we only used the word of God to speak?
what would it be like if we chose to bless instead of curse?
would the stinging and the zinging stop?

Friday, June 13, 2014


its the challenge word for today's five minute Friday writing
my thoughts run like crazy thinking of who is the messenger?
what is the message?.
what is the message that I would fight for?
the message that I will lay my life for?
we all carry a message.
we don't even have to speak it.
we live it.
as I have been reading the psalms daily, in a summer of psalms challenge, I am realizing that much of our message has been so self centered.
self controlling.
self soothing.
and it isn't helping us at all.
it seems the message that God is speaking, and has been speaking from the ancient days is
that's it.
that's the message.
all the way through the psalms: truly my soul waits for God
my haven I wait for you
my hope comes from God
the righteous wait on You
Oh my strength I wait for You
so that's it
the message
we are all is such a hurry to deliver our own messages, and our own thoughts
is it possible that I don't have hope because I am not waiting
waiting on God for the message?
am I lacking strength because I am not waiting and striving to do it all, be all and give all
without waiting on God?
its kind of a hard message since we really do not want to wait.
we barely can walk away from facebook for a minute from the computer til we check on our phones
no waiting
fast food isn't fast enough
waiting in line or traffic is a HUGE sin
maybe if we waited more, we would hear more and see more
so for me
the message today is

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

summer of psalms

as I and a group from Facebook are journeying through the book of psalms for the month of June, I am really being burned, stretched, challenged, wrecked, lifted, humbled...the list could go on and on.

I am finding the most of our Christian life has been spent in a program driven mentality. Churches offer so many programs that take up so much time, that instead of pushing the word or presence of God, we now know how to manage sin, addiction, divorce, children or work through program driven supplements.

But I am finding and seeking the presence driven. When was the last time we went to a program or event and just waited for the presence of the Lord? No songs with lights. No worked out skit. No topic driven speech. Just waiting.
Would we even know what it felt like?
Do we honestly think that the little goose bumps are his presence? I think they could be a small tiny taste, but it appears that his presence changes you. It changes your prospective, your appearance, your thoughts, your compassion -
His presence caused the atmosphere to change, causing the people to go lower, and lower still..

He is the high and lofty one whose name is Holy. He is high. He is lofty. I am not.

In the program age, we try to bring the Holy and lofty one into the muck and mire with us, while all this time He as been trying to lift us up from the pit, from the miry clay. Yet we are clinging to the slimy mud telling the Lofty One, we have a program to finish.

We need a revival of the heart. A revival of our spirit.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

shaking through the psalms

am literally shaking after reading today - the Word of God is so powerful so consuming.
If I start with proverbs 4 and work backward - it really blows your mind.
God Gives us sound teaching - (his word) and tells us to watch over our heart/mind with all diligence for from it flows the springs of life. How ? by keeping your eyes forward (set on him) looking straight ahead (into the eyes of the father) not swerving - (many will try to sway you away to other things)
But what ...if we took it seriously and prayed prayers like Psalm 20 - with passion and intensity - be reminded by 19 that the teaching of the Lord in perfect - so when I focus on His teaching (word) it creates the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart/mind to be acceptable and pleasing to my rock and redeemer.
 Are we adoring Him with all our strength as in 18, proclaiming Him our strength, fortress, rescuer, rock, shield, mighty champion, haven - wow...what a way to begin prayer and praise !
When I see him as those attributes, then 17 comes into play - I see his faithfulness on display - I see his wonderous deedes - I see myself as the apple of his eye - hiding in the shadow of his wings.
I see and understand 16 that I am ever mindful of the Lord's presence.
And in His presence I find perfect joy. I find the delights that are in His hand.
Can you see how this changes us? how we see God? how we pray ?
 totally shaking

What if we actually took God as His word and He became our teacher ?
What if we focused straight ahead on Him and His promises and power to fill us, to know him, be taught by His Holy Spirit
So far I am seeing that what I need to know comes from knowing Him.
Is it possible that we keep inventing events and conferences to find out how to do things when we really only need to do the one thing that no one wants to do ?
focus our eyes on him, the only teacher that can teach truth
the only teacher that fills me with his words so that I can speak the words he gives me - isn't that prophecy?
isn't that prayer ?
not telling God what I think, but speaking His words so that my heart aligns with His?
and doesn't it all come back to the beginning of psalms 1, being planted in Him, so that I produce fruit in any season - because He is the fruit giver ?

I need this passion and intensity in me , in my prayer life, I need this acknowledgement of who He is - everyday - I adore you Lord - my haven, my mighty champion

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Where ? and How Long?

In this journey for the month of June - we are reading 5 psalms a day and 1 proverb.
it is undoing me. wrecking me
today especially
He is asking Where?
His gaze searches mankind to seek out the righteous
The upright shall behold His face
We ask
How long will I suffer
How long is this going to take
How long - wahhh
He is seeking - where?
Do you trust me with all your heart
Do you trust me in My faithfulness
Will you exalt in MY deliverance (not your own solution-ouch)
Do you remember what I have done for you
The Lord looks down to find a man or understanding
a man mindful of God
we respond
I want to dwell in Your tent
I want to dwell in Your holy mountain
He responds
be without blame
acknowledge My truth
then you will not be shaken
His word is pure
He guards his word to every generation
so, that path is always going to be the same.
He is searching
He is seeking
looking for those that even in the midst of the "how long will it seem like the enemy is winning" will trust in His faithfulness and deliverance.
looking for those who will sing in the trial
worship in the 'length' of it
remember He has been good to me
remember the testimonies of what He has done
Will he find us faithful?
will he find us understanding?
will he find us seeking?

Sunday, June 1, 2014


I find myself grieved this morning as I read the local news.
a young woman jumped from a parking garage to her death.
several fatal shootings.
a local pastor happy, glad and willing to perform same sex marriage.

just kind of sitting here thinking what is going on?

all this while we keep planning events to learn how witness, or find joy or dance to the latest worship hit -
this is going on right outside the door

I am concerned that churches don't see the difference between same sex marriage and a biblical marriage.
the argument that we all deserve the chance to love someone and marry them.
well, I love my cat, does she deserve to be taken care of the same way?
what if I die, who will make sure she gets her shots?
what about the man who lives children, is he allowed to now marry one  ? do what he wants - all in
the name of love?

How can you take do not steal, do not kill, do not murder (all from the bible) and they are laws now in government, and drop the marriage one?
they are all from the same portion of scripture

is it possible we have no idea what Love is?
who Love is?
have we lived such perverted love lives that we have reduced love to this?

what has happened to us?

so I am grieved

thinking of the girl who just lost her life
thinking of my cousin, whose husband took his life
thinking of those being led to believe that love makes it ok to do whatever you want

yet we keep having events and rallies and lights and stages

so I am grieved

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Summer of Psalms

I have been challenged by a book I was reading that talked about how Billy Graham would read 5 psalms a day to know how to get along with God, and 1 proverb a day to know who to get along with others.

So I decided that I want to increase my prayer and worship life, but saturating in the psalms for the summer. Beginning June 1 I am inviting you to join me in seeking God through His word, to grow in prayer, in discipleship and in worship. The only way to know more of God is to read who He is - and psalms is the place to begin.

I hope you join us !

you can join or link in on facebook !

Friday, May 30, 2014


nothing. NOthing. I am beginning to see who much of nothing I am, how much of No thing can I do apart from the constant filling of the presence of Jesus.
I am praying and singing to give Him everything - but do I really mean it ?
What if when He asks, it is during my favorite tv show?
What if when He asks, I am in the midst of some shopping excursion to find - really nothing.
What if when He asks, I am at my weakest possible spiritual state of being.

Do I really mean it

I am ready to give up everything for nothing

Jesus caused His disciples to live in a constant state of being saturated in His presence. They knew nothing else - No thing did they do, but to be constantly in His presence. He created them to crave His very presence. He created them to be addicted to His presence, which was the presence of the Holy Spirit.

He caused them to never do "nothing" without the presence or the Holy Spirit.

I am constantly doing nothing with nothing.

I want to be addicted to His presence to the point that all my nothings add up to an incredible journey of everything and anything

I want my everything to become NOthing

His everything is my goal. my desire

No good thing will he withhold from those who seek Him

it is time to become nothing

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Where are the laborers?

Yesterday morning as I opened the prayer room, I walked back to the kitchen area to make some prayer fuel (coffee) and as I turned back to the main prayer room, there was this sweet gentleman standing there. "I stop by every Friday morning, but no one is ever here! I am so glad you are here ! I need some prayer 1"
This sweet fella was disabled, rides the bus himself and was feeling so stressed over some things going on in his life. We prayed. And then He stayed. When he was getting up to go meet his bus he told me - you know if you were open more, you could pray with more people. We (so there are many others) stop by here while waiting for the bus, but the room is always closed?
I am working on that I told him honestly, and asked him to pray for laborers to come and stand in the gate to pray.
My heart sank a little as I feel the burden of having this amazing prayer room, and not enough laborers or staff or prayer missionaries to keep the doors open.
It happen again. Last night.
Brian and I were in praying for the city, nation, families, marriages, soaking in the word, when in walks this beautiful woman and she stops just inside the door. She turns looks at some of our cards laying there, turns again towards me, and I get up and ask her "did you want some information and do you need help with anything?"
She looks at me and tells me some of the story of her life, how her daughter has come to the prayer room and told her mom that she needs to come. But every time they stop by, no one is ever there. Tonight -" I just saw the lights on and I don't know why I really came in, but I felt like I just wanted to see."
We began to talk, cry and pray. God really moved on both of us as we just offered up our lives to him, she was searching and God was giving
It was such a beautiful time, but again after she left, my heart felt heavy again. So many keep coming to receive prayer, and we don't have enough help to keep the doors open.
So to be honest I am trying not to be frustrated, but twice in one day, people who are hurting and searching are coming the prayer room on duke street, to find God and peace and someone just to love on them. These aren't going to go to a huge event and the old model of street evangelism isn't working - so my heart is begging God - where are the laborers?
So I am asking you; where are the laborers?

Friday, February 14, 2014

i am a pinterest failure

and you probably are too.
have you noticed how everyone is trying desperately to become someone else ..all from pinterest?
we try to use someone else's creative spirit to become them. to pin and make our lives just like theirs'
we base our love lives on the pictures of pinterest
we kids are now judged by the cuteness of activities on pinterest
our parenting comes from piniterest. are you doing the latest craft to entertain your kids?
the latest recipe to enthrall your family? have you noticed that none of them turn out like the original?

could it be that you were never created to follow?
you were always meant to be you.
the creative you.
In the beginning God created....
you were never meant to copy something from pinterest and try to make that your life.
you were always meant to create what is in you, to be an original.

If we don't have our houses look like the pinterest version, we fail
If we don't have the latest 'thrift' find for juice glasses, we fail
If our love life doesn't look like the Hollywood pictures, we judge love, we fail
and heaven forbid we cease the competition for best pinterest wedding.
what happened to original?

Who told you, you were 'naked'..isn't this the original mocking of the enemy of our souls?
Who told you, you have to be clothed in pinterest?
honestly - the recipes rarely work
the kid advice only works on 'that' child it was made for
trust me
I tried
we are all original, created to be creative

please just think about it
pray about it
I don't care if you keep pinning
but that isn't your life

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


I feel a re-new happening in my spirit. I feel like a re-launch has happened or is happening. I am excited to go deeper in prayer, deeper in studying the Word, studying and looking to Jesus.
This has been a year where much was taken and lost. My mom passed away, my health and body from accident and grief, seeing others go through intense pain and struggle...but I feel a resurgence. A revival within. A pushing into, violently going after that which we already posses by faith. So my challenge and this post is about joining me. Become part of the Relaunch that will Release into the deeper things...believing and pushing into new levels, new completions, new faith, miracles and power.
You can join me as I read through the Bible and study, Come to the School of Prayer with City Gate Lancaster, take a prayer watch at City Gate Prayer Room. Re-Launch into Re-lease !
will you join me ?