Tuesday, December 10, 2013

it's time...

I haven't blogged for awhile. Not because I didn't want to. But I just couldn't. I tried. But after my mom passed away, I have been finding it hard to write, let alone do other things. But I miss it. I miss sharing with you what God is teaching me, showing me and doing in me. 

This morning, I find it hard to hear the quiet. Snow is falling and it is so quiet. It falls so gently, so peacefully, so perfectly pure. But God is telling me, this is how he covers us with his love. Gently. Peacefully. Purely.

As I sit here surrounded by white lights on my Christmas tree, I am taking it all in. All the love, all the lessons, all the quiet. My prayer lately has been from Job: "God don't leave me - I will go through whatever you want for me, just please don't leave me".

You see, there are times in our lives when things just don't seem like they should. And not because we are in sin. We are actually pressing in. Pressing in to His Word, His presence, His promises. But yet, you find yourself pressing but no press back, no presence, promises seem unfulfilled. These are the times the quiet seems overwhelming. Almost deafening. So I sit here, listening, believing and knowing how loved I am in the midst of all of it.

It's almost like living in the Song of Solomon experience. Are we in this life just because He is beautiful. When someone asks us "Who is He more than others?", what do we respond? I want to be like the shulamite. In the midst of things just not seeming to be as they should, I want you to hear how much I love His eyes, flames of fire, His feet, His hair that is white as whole, His hands, His glory and majesty. He covers me with Him, this is love. He is love. He covers me with this. I don't want to just tell you what He has done for me, and it is awesome! But I want you to know Him. Because He is altogether lovely and perfect. 

So today as we watch the snow falling so majestically, remember He doesn't leave us, even if things do not seem as they should.

Monday, October 14, 2013

my new normal...peace and grief

My mom died. September 19 at 9:48 in the morning. She left this world and entered heaven.
My new normal has begun.
Grief is really hard. I'm tired all the time. I don't want to do anything. I force myself to go out, or read, write or eat.
I know that God could have at any time raised her in healing here, for us to see. That would have been a good plan to me. But her body was declining and He gave her, her new glorified resurrected body that is now perfectly healed and whole. Its funny how that is suppose to make you feel good. And some times is does. But mostly to me, she is still dead and I am without her.
I'm just sad. So sad. I'm not mad, not even mad at God. I am more sad. Sad at God, at what could have been, but wasn't.
My beautiful Helen Marie...Hellie...Mom
Peace and grief mingle.
Peace that she is at peace, and I have this hope in my Father God that he made her new, she went in glory and rest, but grief that I can no longer hold her hand, hear her say 'Kimberly Ann' with her twisted smirk and see her sitting in her chair praying.
It kills me to see my dad broken hearted. Being married 56 years, and to now be alone really stings. Death where is your sting? It's right here on the mourning side of heaven. Mom didn't face death, but I, my family did.
We stared it in the face. We sat, laid and talked with her right up til the last breath. It went so fast. That last breath.
Up to that point we were begging God to ease her suffering, to love her enough to 'take' her.
But then, begging to let her stay.
I have never felt so unloved in all my life. Knowing and trusting God and knowing He loves me, loves her..but feeling totally alone and unloved.
It is like an amputation. She was here, then she was not. But you can still feel everything about her. Smell her perfume, hear her struggling to breath. Then silence.
I remember coming home that night and just starring.
My ears hurt, they were ringing. I tried to tell Brian why I couldn't stand the silence, that it made my ears ring because I couldn't hear her breathing.
That heaving breathing we lived with for 3 days was now silence. And I just wanted it back.
I wanted her back. To be alive.
I keep seeing those final moments in my mind.
My brother Gary and I were alone with mom, each on a side of her. For some reason we noticed her breathing was changing and we both without a word bent down, each taking an ear and began to pray in the spirit in her ear. We watched her mouth form...maybe trying to pray with us or tell us..we don't know. But we prayed in the spirit in her ear. I called for the nurse, who rushed in, looked at me and smiled, telling us all that mom was about to leave. We all wanted part of her, so everyone touched her, spoke to her, prayed in her ear as the last breath came. Then silence. That shocked silence.
How did this just happen?
How could she have died. Knowing that she was declining and the doctors had told us she was passing. Knowing. But thinking this wasn't really happening.
Mom's should die. I guess I thought she would just live forever.
While we were all gathered in the living room, dad brought out her bible. Her very first bible that she wrote when she was saved and we saw how she wrote "there is no comfort, without the comforter. received the Spirit " and then the date was listed. Brian turned to me and said "do you see what you and Gary did? You spoke comfort from the comforter to her as she met him!"
That gives me peace and goosebumps. How the Holy Spirit guided us to pray with him to her. My mom taught us that. She was always praying in tongues. She taught us how. How amazing that we were able to pray to her the very thing she taught us.
We are finding very special things from her now. I letter she wrote 7 years to the date about dying.
All her notes in her bibles and teachings. I have been reading the books that became her platform for teaching the word. This does bring comfort. But it makes me miss her even more.
My new normal is now loving my dad. Not that I didn't love him before. But seeing him love her til the end. Lay with her, holding her hand. I saw love and humility to a degree that I will never forget. It is really hard to see him alone now. His other half is missing and he feels lost.
My mom would be so proud of how he is letting his kids love him. And how he is loving us back. He took me to lunch the other day. First time in all my life to be alone and have lunch with my dad.
Maybe the new normal is to have a new relationship with dad. To make sure he knows how much we love him, just like we loved her.
It has only been 3 weeks, and it is still really really hard. I cry all the time. Cry myself to sleep.
Cry when I go to my parents house. Cry when I'm with my brothers. Cry when I see her picture. Cry when I think this is going to be my first birthday without her. Cry as I write this.
Peace and grief are funny things.
Thank you for letting me share this with you.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

at His feet

you have to really love someone to rub their feet.
think about it.
feet aren't the cleanest of the body.
yet Mary of Bethany, with her beautiful, just washed hair...(probably the kind of hair you see on
all the shampoo commercials).
she kneels down and kisses His feet.
and you know His feet where dirty. He even tells the host "you didn't offer water to wash my feet".
so there He sits, dirty feet from walking in the dust.
and she kneels down face to feet.
it puts a whole new perspective to "how beautiful are the feet of Him who brings good news" doesn't it?
there she is, weeping over His feet. letting the tears streak the dust on his precious feet.
it must have been a down pour of tears, to wash His feet with her tears, to clean them from the debris of the day.
you really have to love someone to wash their dirty feet.
when she was satisfied that the dust was gone, she begins to dry them with her hair. I don't think she did it gently either. she really tried them. her hair became the towel. her hair absorbed the tears and the dust until the feet where clean.
and then
she reaches into her pocket, or maybe a satchel and pulls out this little jar. the alabaster box. this extremely costly, fine textured, maybe translucent gypsum or maybe white marble.
alabaster was very expensive, and if a person bought an alabaster box, it was only used for very important purposes.
so the box itself was costly.

but the oil inside was even more so
perhaps a years wage or worth inside
and she dumps it.
she pours it out all over his just cleaned feet
you really have to love someone to waste extravagance on their feet
she risks it all
she gives it all
she waste it all
on His feet
do we?
do we risk it all
do we give it all
do we waste it all
at His feet..

Friday, September 6, 2013

anger + passion = red

What do you think of when you hear 'red' ?
Do you see it ? the color ?
does it bring up emotion or a feeling?
I don't know why, when I hear 'red' it makes me think of anger.
You know, that red face you get when you are trying to desperately not be angry ? Being red hot mad ?
I think of red walls, red bricks, red blood
I also think of passion.
Valentines day, red roses, red dress....red...
What if we put the two together?
anger and passion =
that is like double red
But then my heart sees red in its truest form
the red angry beating
the red angry nails
the red angry mocking
the red angry flesh being ripped
we even call this 'the passion'
how could something so horrific be called passion?
how could He endure ?
because it was passion. He saw red. He saw the red love of passion.
We are the joy (red) that was set before Him
He took the anger, the passion of hatred so I could receive His passion of red love
Red has become my favorite color

Friday, August 30, 2013

five minute worship?

today the challenge from a fellow blogger to write on worship for five minutes.
perfect. worship is my passion.
also perfect since I am in the middle of organizing and planning the School Of Worship for City Gat Lancaster!
so my heart is very full with what is worship.
what have we made worship?
it is really those songs we sing?
is it really those sold out concerts from world renown worship leaders?
is it really what happens for 20 minutes before a brief message on sunday?
I am thinking....
worship when first mentioned in the word with Abraham was all about posture.
for Mary, it was all about waste.
when was the last time I postured myself to waste time on God?
worship was first mentioned when Abraham said, I and the lad will go yonder and worship.
up til that point, worship wasn't even mentioned.
how did they worship?
they laid down.
they wasted some time, just being face down in the dirt.
how would that look if on a typical worship set at our churches, we poured out rocks and dirt and said "ok, time to worship! lay face down!"
yet, maybe that is what is needed.
there wasn't any music involved at all.
in fact David said he had to train his musicians how to worship.
wouldn't that imply that they already knew how to music..but not worship?
he had to take the music out and teach them to worship
then we come to mary.
how wasteful to drop all that perfume on someones feet.
for her, it was her whole life. all her wages in one bottle.
the 'church' or crowd even yelled..this is disgusting, a waste..we could have made money on that little alabaster box !!
ohh..my friend..
worship is costly.
and it is all about waste.
wasting my precious time on him
wasting my wants and desires to do things, and to just drop at his feet.
what some call waste, I call want.
I want to waste it all on him
this is worship
no music
no band
no lights, lazers or fog machines
just waste
me, poured out
how about we take these next five minutes and waste it on Jesus
and waste.

Friday, August 16, 2013


God woke me up this morning with the word, steward. I know that in our Christian lingo, we understand that to steward something is to manage it, or to take care of. So if I am stewarding my finances, I am managing the money God has provided for me. In the Bible, it tells us that people were stewards, or that they were in charge of certain aspects of helping the owner.

But I felt like and feel like God has given us a huge responsibility as stewards, not only with finances, but with everything.
We are to steward our family, our jobs, our friends, our relationships, our time with God. If I do not steward my time wisely, I will always be wasting time.

So then I started to break down the word. To get more meaning. Stew. ard. Stew. ing. Stew.
I started to get a deeper revelation of what it looks like to stew things.

Here was my thought: If I am making a stew, I put raw things into a huge pot and cook for a really long time right? If I tried to eat the stew uncooked, raw...I would probably get sick. Stew takes time. A really long time. To get that perfect blend or flavors. Seasoning and softness. So put this into our daily lives. How am I stewing my time with Jesus. With friends. Do I expect it all to be great before it has had time to stew?

Stay with me here. Think about it. Do I put the same stew(ing)ard time into my relationship with God, with Jesus, with His word, or am I living the fast food mentality? Am I letting His word stew in me, letting the fire produce the amazing fragrance and aroma and the softness and tenderness ? Am I stew(ing)ard my friendships ? Am I letting them take the time that is needed for the fullness of flavor ? Or am I throwing it all in the pot, turning up the heat and expecting it to be good. That will only burn it and ruin it. I have had many friendships that turned out this way. Too much fire, too much heat, and it ruins it. Stewing takes time, lots of time. It takes the right amount of constant heat, or seasonings. You know what I mean.
Are you beginning to get a different picture of stewarding?
I am. I am now thinking of my devotion time, my study time, am I letting it stew or rushing it? My friendship, am I letting them stew overtime...letting the heat bring out the best of flavor. My family, My God, My relationship, its all about time, stewing, letting the fire or heat produce the best possible result.
My friends, it is time to make stew.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

depths and heights

I had a dream the other day.
It was either a dream or a vision and I was either in body or spirit,
I do not know.
But this is what I do know.
It changed me. Confirming my hearts desire.
I was at City Gate Prayer Room, doing something I don't often do.
I was soaking. Just laying on the floor listening to worship. True worship.
I would say that I experienced worship in Spirit and Truth as I lay still.
Sometimes worship isn't all about shouts and dancing, its about stillness and quiet.
So I was laying there and I began to see the ocean.
Like the picture above, I was swimming in the beauty of the ocean.
seeing everything. It was clear and beautiful.
I saw all kinds of life. Fish. Sharks. Coral.
I saw the light coming through. And the water was so clear!
I could see for miles in every direction.
Everywhere I looked, I could see.
In every direction I saw light and life.
I felt light and lift.
I felt safe and loved.
Even with sharks swimming around, I wasn't worried or scared.
I was just swimming or more like floating all around.
Then I saw this dark circle.
I wasn't afraid of the dark circle because I knew it was part of the ocean.
It was calling out to me, to go deeper.
I felt like I was to go deeper into the depth of the ocean
where you can't see. The part that biologist talk about. Where we don't know what is there.
The deepest part where light doesn't get to, but there is still life down there.
I swam or floated towards the dark circle. Well, the circle wasn't dark, it was what was beyond the circle.
I knew if I went through, I would not know what was there.
Here in the ocean, I was safe because I could see.
Through the circle, I knew I wouldn't be able to see if a shark was next to me.
But, it was alluring me to come.
I knew I had to swim through.
As I approached, I felt the tension in myself. I actually felt the moment of panic before
the "here we go".
I didn't even have time to react or respond before my head went through, and I literally felt
that feeling of a roller coaster ride?
That drop you get when the coaster goes sailing down the big first hill?
Into the dark I went, woosh.
I looked around and saw I was in this dark place, but it wasn't dark like I though the depth of the ocean would be.
there was light there...little lights all around.
I wasn't in the ocean depths like I thought.
 I was in the cosmos.
Going down into the depth of the ocean, had actually brought me to the heights of the Cosmos.
"Come up here" ran through my mind. "Come up here so I can show you the mysteries."
All of a sudden I knew.
In my prayer to go deeper, God was taking me higher.
As I wanted to know the depths of God, His Word, Love and Life,
He took me high !
It is like the ocean and the cosmos connected in that moment, and as I went down in my swimming,
God took me upward to the cosmos.
The depth and the heights connect.
The deeper we go, the higher He takes us.
What a beautiful revelation.
When we give up the safety of what we know, God takes us to where He knows.
the depths become the heights.
I am forever changed.

Friday, July 26, 2013


today I feel a little broken.
not heart broken or physically. almost a cross between emotionally and spiritually.

I have been reading about the culture of revival. In having a prayer room in Lancaster City, I often prayer for revival. but do we really know what that is? do we understand revival.

it isn't an event. it isn't a huge tent and a great worship band.
it isn't an outreach or evangelism.
and it definitely isn't going to a planned church meeting 5 nights in a row.

it is love.
simple love.

and what is love.
it is Jesus himself.
Love came down

Gypsy smith tells of a group of pastors that wanted to know how to start revival. First of all revival begins on your knees is prayer. How do we begin, they asked. Gypsy drew a big circle on the ground in chalk, stepped inside the circle and said: if you want revival, get in the circle, and pray to the God of Love to let the revival begin inside the circle.

it is love
simple love

revival is love
it is me, getting back to the basic of love, of turning my heart toward love, toward Jesus.
getting in the circle and not getting out until love comes down and rescues

Love is patient - that means it is slow, it takes time and takes its time
Love is kind - which means it is nice, not rude or sarcastic.

so love is slowing down and being nice.
and for some reason this has broken me.

I pray for revival , but in a hurry and then I am not nice while driving home.

I want to slow down, let love burn, let it leave its mark in me and on me. set its seal upon my heart
I want to be nice, because love is nice, it is kind. not a doormat, but kind. I think this generation has lost its nice.

so I feel broken
but I will get in the circle and pray for love
slowing down and being nice

it is love
simple love

Monday, July 22, 2013

hunger and thirst

hunger is a funny thing, isn't it.
you feel like you will die if you don't eat
you can feel the hunger pains, and they are painful
same with thirsting.
your tongue feels like dry leather
but there is no water in sight
it is painful
it is persistent, unrelenting
hunger and thirst.
blessed are those that hunger and thirst after righteousness for they will be filled.
the point of hunger and thirst, is to be filled, but in the natural or physical sometimes there just isn't a filling.
there is no water
no food
can you imagine no chocolate or coffee?
on my journey through the beatitudes or attitudes, I am struck today with hunger and thirst.
how easy it is if I want coffee to get up and run to my keurig and grab a cup.
is it that easy to grab my fill of
do we know what righteousness is?
if we read this correctly, we are to hunger and thirst after it, so we should probably understand what it is.
it isn't salvation
it isn't being morally good
it isn't wanting more healing, or more presence (which are excellent things)
it's a starving
it's a starving for right standing with God
you can be filled
you can have as much of God as you want.
it's a spiritual progression through these attitudes of the mountain code
we are meant to hunger and thirst.
to be free from sin in all its forms and in every manifestation.
to walk, as in the beginning, naked and unashamed with God
to be free from the power of sin, and the desire for sin
its the longing to be positively holy
when we hunger and thirst for this,
we are filled
we are filled with the fullness of God
hunger hurts and is painful
is this who we are?
are we hungering painfully and thirsting painfully after righteousness?
are we filled?
are you filled?

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

you deserve to live free

unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
we can't live like this.
that isn't free
its always in a state of judgment and hurt
do you want your heart open and allowing the river of God to flow freely?
do you want to flow freely?
then my friend,
you must forgive,
repent and forgive
a heart that is free has resources for others.
if you aren't free, you will always be trying to take from others
unforgiveness saps your energy and your resources
it makes you unable to really go after God with abandon
its locked up inside of you with issues of repentance and forgiveness
when someone hurts us, and they will, usually the closer someone is to us, the more they hurt us, we get into a pattern of thinking wrong thoughts and judgmental thoughts
we can't fulfill the call of God to love our neighbor if all our energy is used in keeping wrong thoughts about people and issues
our thoughts and attitudes and words can hinder us from moving freely in the grace of Christ
you deserve to be free
every negative thought is always of the enemy and every positive, life giving, up building thought is always from the Holy Spirit
the accuser accuses, while the Comforter comforts
its that simple and yet profound
so where are your thoughts?
we need to refrain from judging one another and instead bless and forgive so that life will flow
when we accuse, we come into agreement with satan, the accuser
Jesus said in Matthew 7, do not judge or you will be judged in the same manner and the same measure
do you believe Jesus' words?
Jesus is saying if you demand justice and repayment for wrong done to you, then you will be dealt with the same according to your own prescription
justice is good
mercy is better
mercy forgives
if you want justice, you will be dealt with by the same rules.
there is a place to go that satan cannot follow and accuse.
the place of grace
the place of mercy, love and forgiveness
if we live in grace and mercy, satan cannot follow us there, he has no rights there. did you know that if you spend 80% of your time in judgement and unforgiveness then the enemy has a right to beat you up 80% of the time?
if I want justice because someone hurt me, then I cannot ask for mercy for myself
God is calling us, into this place of repentance and forgiveness
because we deserve to live free

Sunday, June 30, 2013

do you have anything to eat?

Luke 24
I think this is one of the most profound statements Jesus makes to his disciples (us)

this is the glorified, risen, Jesus. the one they saw die, brutally. they put him in the tomb.
he asks them: do you have anything to eat.
they hand him a piece of fish.
and he eats.
can you imagine this scene. he is asking THEM if they have any food.
they stare at him dumbfounded and hand him a fish.

I can just see him shaking his head ..uhm thanks.
or maybe like a scene from 'the office', he looks into the camera and just nods...

he takes the fish and graciously eats it.

remember he is now the risen king of kings. remember in heaven there is no need for food or refreshments.

but he takes what they offer and eats.
then he talks.

I’ve been telling you this all along, that everything written about Me in the Hebrew Scriptures must be fulfilled—everything from the law of Moses to the prophets to the psalms.
Then He opens their minds so they can comprehend the meaning of the Hebrew Scriptures.
do you see that ? did you catch it?
the disciples gave him real food.
but he is trying to give them spiritual food.
he open their minds to be able to comprehend what just happened. from birth to death, resurrection and life.
how vital it is for us to be eating the word of God.
instead we act like we have absolutely no time for the word, for devotions ...
or..I really don't need to read the bible everyday...that's ok for you...you like to read...
are we becoming like this picture?
we have become fussy eaters !!
notice Jesus didn't say anything, just ate the fish.
we only want to eat what makes us happy.
psalm 1
For you, the Eternal’s Word is your happiness.
    It is your focus—from dusk to dawn


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

faith comes....

how often have we read that verse? faith comes by hearing, and hearing the word of God. and then try desperately to get faith. or feel guilty that we don't have enough faith. because without faith, it is impossible to please him. isn't that the other verse on faith we use all the time?

but let's back up a minute and really stop and hear what God is saying. faith comes...did you see that. faith comes..IT COMES !! if you don't have it, you can get it

how does faith come? it comes by hearing. it comes by hearing the Word of God. it comes by hearing God!

we are in a two way relationship with God, in prayer, in life and what He has to say is way more important that what I have to say. faith COMES by hearing.

what does the word tell us in proverbs?
look at 4:20-22

My son, pay attention to all the words I am telling you.
   Lean in closer so you may hear all I say.
 Keep them before you; meditate on them;
   set them safely in your heart.
For those who discover them, they are life.
    They bring wholeness and healing to their bodies.

read that again. circle it. highlight it. read it again.

Faith comes by paying attention to ALL THE WORD....lean in closer so you may hear, because faith comes by hearing. keep them before you and meditate on them, study them, hear the word of God.

what if we did this. what if we heard the word of God from God and then faith comes.

God speaks primarily through his word and anything that does not agree with the bible is not from God. faith comes.

it isn't that we don't have faith. we don't have patience to wait. to pay attention, lean in closer.
can you imagine, leaning in closer to God to listen and hear the word from the word...
faith comes...

Thursday, June 20, 2013

it's about the lost sheep...

Jesus (with another parable): 3-4 Wouldn’t every single one of you, if you have 100 sheep and lose one, leave the 99 in their grazing lands and go out searching for the lost sheep until you find it? When you find the lost sheep, wouldn’t you hoist it up on your shoulders, feeling wonderful? And when you go home, wouldn’t you call together your friends and neighbors? Wouldn’t you say, “Come over and celebrate with me, because I’ve found my lost sheep”? This is how it is in heaven. They’re happier over one sinner who changes his way of life than they are over 99 good and just people who don’t need to change their ways of life.

who wouldn't go after the one sheep? They (the ones in the parable) wouldn't have gone after the one sheep. in that culture, in that time..it wouldn't have been effective to go after 1 little sheep.
 the stray.
the lost one.
I have 99...who cares about 1 little sheep.
But Jesus tells them. I would.
not only do I go after the one little sheep, but I rejoice when I find him.

"don't just listen to my words. get the deeper meaning"

Jesus says " this is how it is in Heaven"

that one lost sheep.

Luke 15 begins with: Jesus became increasingly popular among notorious sinners, tax collectors and other social outcasts.  The religious noticed this.
what did they notice?
that the notorious sinner, the lost sheep was now healed, whole and set free.
and they weren't.

Heaven is rejoicing over the lost sheep that is now found, not the religious that are sitting safe and sound.

the lost sheep that is now healed, and then set free.

'get the deeper meaning'
is it possible that God is trying to tell us something more..
something deeper
healing is found by the lost sheep

it makes me think of how we, as the body of Christ are having healing inside the church for the 99, when the 1 is out front staring at the closed doors.
Jesus left the 99 in search of the 1
He left the 99 to go heal the one.
not just physical healing, but whole healing, body, soul and spirit.
bringing that lost sheep into his pasture
"this is how it is in Heaven"

is it possible that we are to go out to find the one and take healing to them
is it possible that healing isn't for the religious but for the lost?
not that we as His children don't receive healing, we most certainly do.
but He came for the sick..didn't he say that
if we are found, and there are those outside of our circle that are sick, aren't we to be going after the 1

I think a change is coming
a change in how we think of healing, wholeness
how we handle and give healing to the one
remember earlier in Luke Jesus says: '...and the crowds swelled wherever He went. He wasn't impressed"

it's about the lost sheep
its about the 1

(this post was written by Brian and Kim )

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

the cost of salt...


if you want to be My disciple, it will cost you everything.

Don’t underestimate that cost!

34 Don’t be like salt that has lost its taste. How can its saltiness be restored? Flavorless salt is absolutely worthless. 35 You can’t even use it as fertilizer, so it’s worth less than manure! Don’t just listen to My words here.

Get the deeper meaning.


this is from Luke 14..the end of the chapter
and it hits me every time I read it.
get the deeper meaning.
have you ever heard an altar call like this one?
come to Me and you could lose everything
I think we have this mindset in the U.S. that if we choose Jesus as Lord and Savior, then everything will be roses and rainbows.
we have made a fairytale of salvation.
I choose Jesus and He gives me everything I want or need.
I can now eat ice cream and oreo's for breakfast.
I can personally tell you that eating ice cream and oreo's for breakfast is only going to make you fat.
it's not the deeper meaning
how about this.
let's do what the word says;
count the cost
don't underestimate the cost
our salvation cost more than we can every pay
we sometimes say salvation is free
but was it free?
it cost a life
it cost blood
His life and His blood
If you want to be My disciple it will cost you everything.
don't underestimate that cost.
I have no idea what the cost will be for you,
but I know my family has paid a cost,
I have paid a cost
it hasn't been roses and rainbows every day.
the deeper meaning has been worth every thing it cost me
I have been reading a book by Tom Doyle called "Dreams and Visions" : is Jesus awakening the Muslim world?
it has been mind blowing and to me
They, our Muslim friends who are choosing Jesus, know the cost.
they lose family, friends, are beaten and beheaded
yet they choose to love and be loved by Jesus
they understand the cost of the salt.
"Don't be like the salt that lost its flavor - it's worthless...it is worth less than manure"
I want my salt, my life, my following of  Jesus to be salt
to flavor my neighborhood, my family, my life.
do you understand the cost?
do you know how your salt taste?
"don't just listen to my words. get the deeper meaning"
the cost of the salt.





Monday, June 17, 2013

martha-kim or mary-kim

only 1 thing matters
just one
how many of us want to be Mary, but feel way more like Martha pretending to be Mary?
we are busy
we put so many things above Jesus
our relationship with him
jobs, relationships, prayer rooms, conferences, motherhood, facebook
I want to be "Mary-Kim"
but I probably act more like "Martha-Kim"
visionary, planning, schedules
how do you get there
to the one thing?
is it like Nike' ...just do it?
but how
how do you just do it?
I think He tells us..from the ancient words
love God
love neighbor
You shall love God, your God with everything you have, all your heart, all your soul, all your strength and all your mind
love your neighbor AS yourself
we have spent a lot of time and attention defining who is our neighbor
the people around us,
the lost, poor the broken
like in Luke 10,
I probably feel more like the one beaten laying on the side of the road 
but did you catch that tiny little word
that powerful little word
love as
as yourself
is it possible we spend so much time trying to love God from being busy,
from outside of our heart
not from All my heart?
is it possible that I try to stay busy to keep from loving myself?
or am I trying to prove how much I love God by being busy?
or do I really not love myself and if I keep busy I won't have to worry about that one thing
one thing
I am to love you as much as I love myself
is this the sting?
do I really love me?
if I don't love me, myself, I have nothing to love you with
if I feel so busy, a cover for shame
am I rally finding the one thing that kept Mary at his feet?
she was a woman
she had the same responsibilities that Martha had, a you and I have
did you catch her name
a woman named Martha, but a sister called Mara.
Mara means bitter
what happened that they called her bitter
yet she knew
she knew how to love herself
give up the striving
and sit
she knew only 1 thing matters
in motherhood, business, running churches and programs..still
only 1 thing matters
can you imagine a whole church service just sitting at his feet
one thing
there will always be millions of details to our lives
but only 1 , one thing
2 very short scriptures
that lay a foundation for life
one thing
only one thing really matters
and that will not be taken away ...
I want to be a Mary-Kim

Sunday, June 16, 2013

the deep

I wonder if this is what eden is like?
sitting on the deck with coffee and bible...listening to the waves crash..the sunlight breaking over the clouds...
did they have coffee in eden?
they probably didn't need coffee...

is this the sound of peace?
water rushing, birds singing,

as I sit here and listen, really listen..its like a symphony of praise,
quiet yet loud

the ocean is so powerful, beautiful, endless, forgiving yet unforgiving
but I must admit
i'm scared of it
the waves crashing on me
the depths
the sharks?
are there sharks in this ocean?
why would anyone want to go into water where there are sharks!

but this is where God calls us isn't it
deep calls out to deep
he calls us into this shark water
where we just don't know

Luke 5 Jesus tells us: move out into deeper water

move out
he calls me
he calls you

is it possible we are all still splashing in the shallow end?

just playing in the sand where the waves meet the shore line?
just sitting there wanting...
but not going?

did you notice he is there with you in the deep
he is with them in the boat, as he says, almost demands
move out into the deep

he is there
his presence is there
he even has you in a boat
it's not about being there alone

it's about His deep calling out to depths of me
move out..
move out
there is more for you in the deep
is he calling you also
do you hear the sound of the deep calling you

my friends, it is time
to move out
the deep

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

reverent and worshipful

Reverence for the Eternal bring bold confidence
in the reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord there is strong confidence
proverbs 14:26
this is what I have been reading today
along with Joshua 23 and 24
(if you want to follow along, you can get one of our 'encounter the word' a daily bible reading experience)
there is a strong confidence
a bold confidence
when you have reverent worship and awe of God
couldn't we all use a little confidence ?
bold ?
I don't think this is the brash, loud, overpowering people confidence but the meek, humble I can do all things through Jesus confidence
as I began reading in Joshua, I saw a correlation between these blessings of God
and our receiving these blessings
a promise
seeing all promises were fulfilled.
Joshua was reminding us, that as we keep our end, God always keeps His end
He made, he gave, he sent, he brought, he handed, he destroyed, he delivered
and we get to choose
choose this day
if we choose God there is a condition
did you ever stop to think about that?
in 24:14-15 we see Now therefore, reverently fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and in truth
put away from you any gods (idols - anything that keeps you from him)
today is the day for you to choose whom you will serve
we always have a choice
God and
God and
It seems we have created a religion where we can choose God, but never serve Him in sincerity or truth. we choose him, but serve ourselves.
do you see that?
are you living that?
so we can see that proverbs is saying the same thing
serving him from that place of choosing Him
only him
verse 19 really hits home
if you choose God.
he is a jealous God He will not tolerate your shortcomings and your sins.
if I choose God AND..then what am I really choosing?
it has to be God
only God
only reverence
only awe
verse 22 hits even harder
all right then, you are a witness against yourself. if it come to that, you have made this choice to serve the Lord
do you see that?
do you hear that?
did you ever hear that at any altar call?
choose God, give your life to God and you are a witness against yourself.
I become my own witness against myself by my choices
if I say God, but don't serve Him
kinda puts a whole new slant on the 'come up front and give your life to Jesus' doesn't it.
God takes this choice very serious
he is jealous
he warns us
is this what that strong confidence is for?
that bold confidence..
that I choose God, and give up any other god, idol, game, person, hobby,
dream, vision...
and am filled with the confidence of God
the boldness of God
 reverence and worshipful fear are what keep me choosing him

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

cause and effect....the mountain code...

I am going to write about a series I am teaching on cause and effect, the mountain code ,the sermon on the mount, the beatitudes...the most known teaching, but the least understood. I am hoping to shed some light on it for you. If this is the first thing Jesus taught, and the beatitudes are the first thing, from the first thing, than we should really pay attention to this teaching on lifestyle. Blessed are the poor in spirit, is the first mentioned, so we should really take a closer look at what and why.

We know that the beatitudes form the text of Jesus sermon, meaning they are his outline of everything else he is about to share in the code.  The rest of the sermon is His application of the beatitudes

Jesus taught these things and expects us to live them.

It is a teaching on living in the Holy Spirit. Why? because none of it is possible without the Holy Spirit. If you think you can be 'poor in spirit' without the Holy Spirit, then its just reverse pride, or the 'I am a worm' syndrome.

The Kingdom is: invisible - everyone thought it would be visible
                inhabitable - you can actually live in it
                internal - residing in the heart and inherited
                (rom 14:17)because the kingdom of God is not about eating and    
                                                                 drinking. When God reigns, the order of the day is
                                                                 redeeming justice, true peace, and joy made possible
                                                                   by the Holy Spirit.
                                       inherited - no one could inherit until Jesus died
                             and rose again.
                   (heb 9:15)This is why Jesus is the mediator of the new covenant:
                                                                    through His death, He delivered us from the sins that we
                                                                  had built up under the first covenant, and His death has
                                                                     made it possible for all who are called to receive God’s
                                                                  promised inheritance.

  The Kingdom is inseparable  from the Spirit

okay, enough for back ground

Matt 5:3 Blessed are the spiritually poor—the kingdom of heaven is theirs

this is the first. this is the key to all that follows
we cannot be filled until we are first empty

look up psalm 51:17
read Matt 23:12

who is this first talking to ? about ?
them, me, you..

what is poor in spirit?

did you read psalm 51? What sacrifice I can offer You is my broken spirit
    because a broken spirit, O God,  a heart that honestly regrets the past, You won’t detest.

it's not financial, having no money or job.
it isn't even about spiritual awareness
it's about lowly
upside down Kingdom

it's the acknowledgement of spiritual bankruptcy
it's our confession or unworthy before God
it is NOT self hatred.

its that place that I know I need or want Him, more than the things of him.
recognizing spiritual helplessness, want, needy, destitute, humble, low, spiritually incompleteness.
Blessed are those who are know they are wanting, needy, helplessness without me...
do we know that?
do we know how helpless we are without him? or do we go about our day always doing our own thing?

it shatters your pride.
the divine surgery cuts away false illusions you had about yourself.

if you are poor in spirit then God got to you
if you feel totally lost without hope, God will find you

He is looking for the weak, those who know their true need.
do we know how much we need him? do we? do you need Jesus?
do you, do I know how spiritually incomplete we are without Him? without the Holy Spirit?

So why is this one listed first?
it demonstrates the upside down kingdom.
 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (matt 23:12)

we must never outgrow our brokenness. it is our foundation.
I think most of us refuse to be broken.

being poor in spirit is the absence of defensiveness. ouch.
being poor in spirit is the absence of being judgmental. double ouch.
there is no pointing the finger when you are broken.
the one who points the finger needs to be broken.

being broken, poor in spirit is our foundation and superstructure. it is the first mentioned to build upon,
if you don't recognize our own brokenness, poorness, we will never see meekness or self control..

then comes the blessing
the effect of the cause
the immediate consequence of brokenness is the Kingdom of Heaven.

the blessing comes after the obedience.
we want the blessing without the cause. we even make conferences and seminars around the blessing, without the brokenness.

Is this why we don't see the Kingdom of God at hand here?
we aren't truly broken.

we want the icing without the cake. icing without cake is just a pile of lard.

take time today and search it out. don't move on until you feel ready.
embrace the brokenness
then the blessing will come
cause and effect